Wearing A Hair Replacement System – Why I Keep Procrastinating On Doing It!

Wearing A Hair Replacement System – Why I Keep Procrastinating On Doing It!
November 14th, 2011

hair replacement systemsWearing hair, getting a hair replacement system, buying a hair piece or wig, whatever you call it - it’s something I desperately need to do, yet I’ve managed to think of about 1000 excuses to put it off during the last several months. For me, taking the steps to getting a hair piece is almost on par with going to the dentist to get my teeth drilled, even though the benefits will probably mean getting my life back. So what’s holding me back? In my defense, a few months ago I took the first steps and ordered a hair replacement kit from HairDirect.com – it’s the beginning of the process of getting a custom hair piece. A few horrible life events have happened in the meantime, but now that I’m ready to deal with ordering my hair piece, I still keep procrastinating. Here are some of my reasons:

1) It’s hard. I don’t know what I’m doing!
The learning curve of wearing hair is hard, and it’s a challenge I’m dreading. I never grew up wishing I could wear fake hair, and now that the unfortunate time is here, I still don’t have any interest in learning the ins and outs of the process. Susan from Crowned Beautiful has her whole training course about hair replacement, so there is help out there. Hair Direct also offers help in choosing the right hair piece for women (and men). It still doesn’t mean I’m excited. I am lazy and only like to do things I want to do, and this is at the bottom of my list. But it’s not like I wanted to spend half my life researching hair loss, but that’s where my life has ended up, so I know I should just embrace this next hair wearing chapter. I don’t enjoy doing my taxes, going grocery shopping, or cleaning my house, but they are necessary – and having decent hair is necessary for my well-being. 

2) It’s expensive
This is when I wish more than anything that I was rich. I would hire someone to figure out who the celebrities use to create their undetectable hair pieces, and I would hire that celebrity hair specialist to come to my house and fix me. I wouldn’t care how much it cost, and I would have that person come every week and do my hair for me. Problem solved! Of course I have no money, and all of my hair replacement expenses will go straight on my credit card. I’m paralyzed by the idea of spending thousands of dollars on something, and what if it’s not even right?

I could go to a pricey hair replacement system clinic, I could pay for a training program, I could buy a cheapish wig from China or off eBay, but none of those are guarantees I will be happy, and then I’ll end up having to spend more money after that! For now I’m starting with the Hair Direct route since the price isn’t totally outrageous, and I know it will be cheaper than going to a clinic in person. Once I get the hang of things, the expense will become fixed – something I will just have to budget for. I have already spent tens of thousands of dollars going to numerous doctors (not covered by medical insurance), and on hair products, and medications, etc. At least hair replacement will be a real solution.

3) I’m low-maintenance
I’ve always prided myself on being able to roll out of bed and not being embarrassed if someone saw me that way. When I developed bad acne in my 20s, that was the first time I was afraid of someone seeing me first thing in the morning – makeup-less. Luckily I learned how to get rid of my acne, so until recently I was still able to be that girl that wasn’t ashamed of her au natural look. I could go swimming, camping (not that I’ve been camping in 20 years), and do any sports-type things without worrying I looked like hell. Now I worry if I get a hair piece or wig I won’t be able to roll out of bed without putting on my hair first, but I guess if you get bonded hair, that would solve that issue. I hate the idea of having to do stuff just to live normally – but I already have to wear glasses or contacts to see, use a retainer to keep my teeth straight, take medication to keep me healthy, and slather on wrinkle creams to keep the aging at bay - so what’s one more step? Hmmm, maybe I’m not low-maintenance after all. As my boyfriend likes to say, as you get older it takes twice as long to look half as good. I guess that’s life:(

4) What if the hair piece ruins my real hair?
I’m going to start out with a hair piece that clips onto my real hair, because I’m not ready to shave parts of my head yet to bond on a hair piece. I worry the clips will cause permanent bald spots. That’s a real possibility, but initially I don’t have to wear the hair piece every day. While I’m giving Propecia a shot (my last hope of getting my hair back), I don’t want to totally ruin my bio hair, since there’s a slim chance my hair will get better. So I can initially just wear the hair piece here and there, and I can also have lots of clips sewn into it, and rotate which clips I use. That way there’s less pressure on specific areas on my head.

However, I worry that once I start wearing a hair piece I won’t want to be seen without it. Once I have a thick head of hair, I know I will think my real hair looks thinner than ever, so it will be hard to emotionally be okay without the hair piece. And I’m not 100% ready to ruin my real hair by wearing hair clips that cause traction alopecia. This is partly why I thought wearing a wig was a good idea, but the wigs I’ve tried on felt so tight, and they felt like they pulled at my real hair, so it’s hard to believe they don’t damage your bio hair either. Well within a year I should know for sure if my real hair is worth saving, so none of these issues will matter then. In the meantime, I know I need to have a hair piece ready to go because my real hair gets thinner and thinner each month.

5) Having to deal with people
I want my new hair to look good, so I’m sure some people will notice I went from crappy hair to nice hair overnight. Half my friends already know about my hair issues, so the whole thing won’t be a surprise to them. It will just be nerve-wracking having to tell acquaintances I got fake hair. Or maybe I’ll say I was stressed from horrible life circumstances, which caused my hair to fall out, but now it’s grown back in. Or maybe I’ll just say I got hair extensions, or use the got a new: haircut/color/hairdresser lie. I wish I could go away somewhere exotic for six months, and then come back to my old life with my new hair. Then people will have forgotten what my old hair looked like, and they will think my exotic adventure helped me sprout a new, luxurious head of hair.

6) All of my hopes are pinned on this turning out right
Right now my life is in a holding pattern – I’m completely miserable, and feel the only way towards happiness is if I can be happy with my hair again. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that someday I won’t be miserable anymore. But what if I spend thousands of dollars on hair, and it doesn’t look good? As low maintenance as I am, I do want extremely realistic looking, beautiful hair. What if I don’t get that? Then I will really be miserable forever and ever. I will go into debt and will never recover. These are the thoughts (maybe irrational) that plague me. I know there are good solutions out there – I’ve seen lots of women with great looking hair pieces and wigs – but I still worry nothing will look right on me. I’ve tried on every wig in Las Vegas I could find, and they all looked terrible and fake on me – it’s no wonder I’m freaking out!

So those are some of my big reasons for putting off delving into the world of hair replacement systems. I know I’m not alone in this – there are so many women going through the same thing. I also know that putting off the next step towards wearing hair is my way of checking out of life, but I can’t do that forever. What’s holding you back? What’s your next step?

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12 ResponsesLeave a comment
  • S
    November 14, 2011 at 2:00 am
    Reply

    I agree with you on all these points. I’m almost at the same point as you. The other thing that’s holding me back is I’m still in denial, so by getting a hair system it’s like I’m admitting my hair will never come back. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I keep telling myself my hair isn’t that bad, but it probably is in reality.

  • Mary
    November 14, 2011 at 4:40 am
    Reply

    Dear Jeni, reading your post makes me cry. I’m so sad about your horrible life circumstances. I’ve had some too (suffering from ptsd among other worries) and not that it’s painful as it is, knowing that it also makes the poor hair even worse makes life really hard to stand some days.

    Now to the hair piece question. Three years ago I was so depressed about my balding that I got myself a hair piece. It was looking great – finally I could ware my old haircut with bangs that always felt like “me”. But it didn’t work well for me; it was itching, I got pain in the scalp from the clips and got constant bad headache. Lost some hair because of the clips too. Probably my strands were too few and too weak to keep the hair piece in place. After three months I went back to my usual routine with Toppik etc.

    Concealers are giving me red spots on the scalp and it is itching, so I’ve been more and more “clean” and “brave” and wearing the sad pony tail instead. Trying to have earrings, make up, clothing etc to draw attention from my hair. And I’m having lighter hair now to make the thinning less obvious, even though it is obvious.

    Thanks to my husband and our child, I can go up in the morning looking like hell and still be loved. I don’t know what I would do without their true love.

    I think denial is also a bit of my savior these days. But reality will check in soon. Isn’t it too warm to wear a wig during summer? But the almost bald head makes me freeze so badly when it’s a bit colder… Hmm. And sports, swimming etc. Which I like. How do you do then?

    I will keep following the blog and my biggest hope is that society will be less judging on hair loss. And that I could get more secure within myself. Then I could be free to go out with my head looking like a complete mess without being ashamed ;)

  • S
    November 15, 2011 at 2:55 pm
    Reply

    I am exactly where you are! Needing hair but just can’t bring myself to take the steps. I’ve done my research and THINK I know what I want (bonded HH topper). But just when I get ready to make it real and order, my bio hair starts looking better to me. Not great mind you, but good enough for another day or week, maybe month?? Crazy I know. Or denial?? So I feel like I’m in limbo, sort of. Fretting about my bio hair and lack thereof, but afraid once I take the step of wearing hair there’s no turning back……The thing is, from all the reading online on different HL forums, the happiest people are the ones that have moved to wearing hair……

  • BB
    November 16, 2011 at 8:01 pm
    Reply

    Are we vain? Certainly not, for it’s sooo much more than hair, but only others with hair loss can fully understand that. I too keep hope alive with other ways to conceal, thinking I am fooling more than just myself. Why won’t those big medical companies come to our aide?
    Some times I long to just shave my head and move on. Take that next step now before it is too late to go back. That will give you time to work with the piece and get it right while you still have the option of wearing your bio hair in between. And none of us should ever have to feel ashamed.

  • HopeH
    December 7, 2011 at 5:17 pm
    Reply

    Hi Jeni. I have these concerns as well and yet I encourage you to take the next step. I have been an absolute wreck the last year because of my hair loss. Somewhere in the fog of my depression, I decided that while I like my hair and I wish it would stay, NOTHING was worth the pain I was in. I decided that if being happy meant I had to walk this Earth with hair glued to my head, so be it.

    So I encourage you to use your Hair Direct kit and order your custom piece! HD has a money back guarantee so you can keep tweaking the piece until it meets all your needs. I hear you about being low maintenance. I too used to pride myself on rolling out of bed and needing nothing but chapstick because my hair was so lush and thick, it was all I really needed to look good. But what I’ve come to see is that my peace and happiness is worth so so so much more than any extra time and effort I need to spend on my hair or my appearance in general. And I too was once concerned about ruining my existing hair with extensions/clip in piece but I’ve decided- what does it matter if more falls out from wearing hair if it’s going to fall out anyway??

    The last and most important thing that has helped me take steps toward supplemental hair (I don’t need it just yet) is cultivating my spirituality. This has been the single most effective “solution” to hair loss that I’ve encountered. It has helped me tremendously deal with all the feelings that come with losing hair, and I pray that you are able to find your center and take the next steps as well.

    Blessings to you,

    Hope.

    • Monika
      December 14, 2012 at 1:47 pm
      Reply

      I know this is an old article but I came across it recently and I want to help so I am leaving this. I don’t have to tell you about the pain and horror this brings. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I just want to mention What helps. Vitamins and supplements and protein all help, but if you are a woman and shedding cuz of sucky genes, minoxidil is your best shot. I have seen plenty of people really suffer from this and yet hesitate cuz they don’t want the hassle or the maintainence or the bother of using it twice for life long. It’s not perfect. Most probably it won’t grow your hair back. But What is left on your head? It will maintain. Don’t wait till it’s too Late. I wish I had started it sooner. But I kept hesitating, I didn’t want to accept a life long sentence. How I regret that now. Don’t be scared of the hundreds of stories online about side effects or it’s uselessness. There are good chances it will work for you. Stick to it for at least 6 months. Most important, start asap. That way you at least get to maintain What you have. I am leaving this cuz I want to help people out there going thru the same. All I am saying is, give it a try at least. You want all natural, herbal no drugs approach. It doesn’t work for most of us. Listen to those who have been using it. It’s not perfect but it works.

  • mar
    January 11, 2012 at 4:04 pm
    Reply

    thanks a lot for your blog!! i am losing my hairs and it makes me feel really sad sometimes,
    i started to stay home, didn’t want my friend or my family to see me like that, i didn’t want to go out with my boyfriend and i was really depressed!
    it is hard , i am happpy that you talk about famous girls, now i think that i am not a monster, just a girl with hair problems!
    sorry , i live in paris so my english is not really good!!!

  • Jena
    February 13, 2012 at 9:23 am
    Reply

    I just wanted to comment and say that I can so relate to you. I found your blog awhile back and you seem to be at a similar place as I am. Hair loss has been manageable/hideable until recently…and now I’m starting to look at the real possibility of wearing fake hair. Ugh. I, too, am a low maintenance type of girl. Never been one to get super dressed up and do my hair for hours (before it started falling out). I like a natural, relaxed look. I don’t want to have to worry about putting on wigs, etc etc every day.

    Anyways. I mostly just wanted to stop by and say that I love reading your blog because your reactions and thought processes are so similar to mine. It’s nice to know that I’m not completely alone in this.

    My hope is that biggest hurdle with wearing hair will be that initial jumping into it…and once I acclimate I will feel better because at least the thin/limp/barely there hair will be hidden. I’ve got to believe that while it’s not ideal that it will be the turning point to at least liking what I see in the mirror before I leave the house.

    Jena

  • Shelly
    June 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm
    Reply

    Hi, I have worn a bonded hair system for over 10 years and the past 12 months have learned to remove and reapply it myself, as I moved away from the salon where I had the process done every 5 weeks. It was daunting at first but I am now able to perform the whole process in 1 hour. I previously ordered the systems from my original salon but now placed a factory-direct order at a lower cost (as there is no middle man). So, I am gradually becoming more independent in this entire process. Knowledge is power and as I likley will have a life-long committment to these systems, I want to be aware of all that is offered for this unfortunate scenario. Well done blog. Cheers.

  • Kyle
    June 18, 2012 at 8:18 am
    Reply

    Hi everyone,

    I have been battling hair loss for the last 3 years and have started thinking about supplemental hair as well. My nightmare started when I began taking birth control pills to, ironically, treat some minor thinning I had been experiencing, but the pills triggered interstitial cystitis and had no option than to stop, which led to severe shedding for several months. My hair would stop falling at times and would make me think that the nightmare of hair loss was over, when it would start shedding for no apparent reason. Now I am at the point where I can’t no longer hide the hair loss. I made the mistake of stopping rogaine, which not only led to shedding but it also exacerbated my AGA (a recent clinical study in Archives of Dermatology shows that rogaine withdrawal leads to sever hair loss, regardless of how much hair the rogaine would have allowed you to keep).

    I am scared because my hair loss is really messing up with my mental health. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally and he is scared for me as well. Unfortunately, my hair loss started at a time when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, so I can’t even cry because of my hair as feeling sorry for myself leads to more pain and more pills, which end up causing more hair loss. I’m 30 years old and fee like my life is a nightmare because of this. I work on the research field so I have read everything study related to hair loss in the literature, which makes things worse because I realize there is so little we can do and most dermatologists or hair loss experts really don’t know what they are doing.

    This month I will ask my doctor for propecia. I’m already on 150mg of spironolactone and started the rogaine again. I just feel like this is going to be a battle that will never end and eventually may have to stop being in denial, realize my hair most likely won’t get better, and get a hair piece. I always say I wish I was african american, as wearing wigs is more acceptable if you are black. There is a lot of trials going on right now and alternative treatments may be available within the next few years so that gives me some hope. If I could only stop shedding and keep the few, thin hairs I have left I could stop obessing about it.

    I’m sorry you are all going through this, nobody deserves it. As many of you, I used to be known for my hair, so I never had to worry about styling it or buying expensive products to make it look nice. In my case, my hair loss is a product of genetics but also chronic illness, so I believe I have AGA and telogen effluvium. If you have AGA, did you hair start falling all of a sudden? If you bought a wig, what did you say at work? My biggest fear is going to work with it and having co-workers stare at me.

    • Jeni - Hair Loss Hell
      June 18, 2012 at 11:20 pm
      Reply

      I can relate a lot with your story, and I’m sorry you’re going through so much as well:( I was wondering if your Interstitial Cystitis got better when you got off the pill? I am pretty sure I have that as well, but I’ve been on the pill for the last 9 years straight, and the IC just started 3 months ago. I will probably go off the pill soon, but am scared to death, but now I’m wondering if it could affect the IC?

      I didn’t realize people experienced severe hair loss when going off Rogaine. When I had more hair, I tried Rogaine for 6 months and then stopped taking it, and at the time I didn’t notice anything one way or the other.

      I’ve had gradual thinning for the last 10-15 years, but it’s become really bad in the last 2 years. I’ve also had crazy shedding for the better part of that time too. I haven’t worn a wig or hair piece yet, and I am worried about what people will say, which is why I hope to find a really realistic looking one. Tons of white celebrities wear wigs and hair pieces – we just don’t know about all of them, and I hope when people start to realize it, wearing hair will become more acceptable for everyone.

      Keep me posted on what happens, and I wish you good hair luck!

  • Margaret
    July 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm
    Reply

    I love your site. I have dealt with the same hair issue- but dang you have had so many health issues! I am so sorry. It sucks!!! My hair is so thin, there is no way I can go out in public with it. I hate even looking in the mirror or being in front of my fiance without my extensions. I now am wearing four wefts on the lower back part (human hair, brand Euronext), and four single clips on each side of my face to frame and blend. I cut the extensions so they are slightly layered. I have been to multiple hairstylists to cut my extensions, but they said I did such a good job I should just continue to do it myself. I’m so happy with them! However, I like having a ‘bump’ at the crown of my head, and my hair is so thin now that when I tease and hairspray it it’s so thin it’s kind of see-through. Not attractive. So I ordered a Jessica Simpson ‘Bump Up The Volume’. It’s synthetic hair, but it’s great. It gives added volume at the crown and blends in really nicely with my hair and extensions. I STRONGLY encourage you to look into hair extensions and hairpieces. It has literally changed my self-esteem from horrible to fantastic. I even get compliments on my hair all the time. I never thought that would be possible. I have pretty much reached the point that I don’t want to take minoxodil, after reading that it can increase shedding and only works in 1 out of 5 women. Plus, even if some regrew it wouldn’t look half as good as it does with the extensions. It sounds like a lot of work but I now fix my hair in about five minutes, and it looks amazing. I do have to rebuy them about every 3-4 months because they start getting tangled, but I could probably do a better job of deep conditioning them. They cost about $150 at Sally’s. They used to cost about $100 but they’ve gone up recently. I also get some pairs on ebay. Another thing I’m going to try when my Jessica Simpson hairpiece gets tangled is a Bobby Glam Hair Booty. It’s the same principle, but it’s human hair. I’ll let you know how it goes!

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